5 Ways to Cope with Your Miscarriage

I’m struggling a lot after suffering a miscarriage six months ago. Is it normal to feel this upset so long after it happened?

Thousands of Australian women each year ask themselves a question similar to this after experiencing a miscarriage.

It is perfectly normal for a woman and her loved ones to grieve for a pregnancy loss the same way as they would for the death of a relative or friend.

Pregnancy loss can be devastating. The recovery process can vary, lasting from weeks to years. The amount of time you were pregnant does not necessarily have to correlate with the amount of grief you feel and the amount of time it takes for you to recover. Whether you lost your pregnancy at four weeks or 24 weeks, your pain is completely understandable.

Talk About Miscarriage has put together five tips for women struggling to cope with their miscarriage:

Tip #1: Address your feelings of guilt. 

Try to remember that the majority of miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities — factors that are completely out of you or your partner’s control. Miscarriages are often the body’s natural way of ending an unhealthy pregnancy.

There are many myths surrounding the causes of miscarriage, for example, that lifting heavy objects or going through stressful events such as an argument or a tough day at work, can lead to a miscarriage — but these are simply not true. The truth is, your miscarriage is unlikely to have been something you could have prevented or foreseen.

Tip #2: Talk to your partner. 

You and your partner may find it difficult to communicate as you both attempt to come to terms with the miscarriage. It is natural for one or two of you to worry about saying the wrong thing, but it is important to keep the communication channel open and talk to each other about how you’re feeling.

Tip #3: Ask your family and friends for support. 

The ’12-week rule’ dictates that expecting parents should not reveal that they are pregnant in the first trimester of pregnancy due to the high risk of a miscarriage occurring. But the high chance of a miscarriage is exactly why you should talk to your family and friends during the early pregnancy stages — to receive the support you need, should anything happen.

In the case that a miscarriage has occurred, there is no shame in asking for the help and emotional support you need. If you have other children to look after but feel you need a break, ask for help at home. Likewise, if you need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to keep your mind off things for the afternoon, your family and friends will be more than happy to be there for you.

Tip #4: Join support networks and seek professional help if needed. 

There are a vast array of support services across Australia dedicated to helping women affected by miscarriages.

Sands Australia has a 24-hour national support telephone line that provides a safe place for anyone who wants to talk about their feelings. Callers will be put in direct contact with a trained Volunteer Parent Supporter. One caller says:

“I didn’t know why I dialled the number, I don’t normally like to talk about it… when they answered, I didn’t know what to say, but finding this gentle voice who allowed me to take my time and really listened to me was exactly what I needed. The fact that the person had also been through the same experience was what made a big difference – I really felt they understood.” 

For other Sands Australia support services, please visit their website.

Pregnancy Loss Australia is another national support program for bereaved families who offer counselling services and support groups. For more details, visit their support services page.

If you believe you are suffering from depression, seek immediate professional help. The Lifeline telephone number is 13 11 14.

Tip #5: Get the closure you need. 

There is no right or wrong path to closure. It is important to not compare. Some families hold small ceremonies to say their goodbyes. Others write farewell letters. Allow yourself to do whatever it takes to get the closure you need, depending on what feels right.

– SN

5 Myths About Miscarriage That Need To Be Debunked NOW

Many people think that miscarriages are rare occurrences and that if a woman loses her pregnancy, she could have prevented it somehow.

It’s time to debunk these common misconceptions about miscarriage.

A recent survey of more than 1000 U.S. adults shows that miscarriage is widely misunderstood by the public. Unfortunately, misconceptions lead to the shaming and silencing of parents who have been unable to carry a baby to term, even though in the majority of the cases, it is not their fault at all. As a result, many women and their partners do not receive the emotional support they need.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/127692523@N03/15825298463/

The study’s findings, which were published in the Obstetrics and Gynecology Journal, identified the top five most common misconceptions held by the public (and sadly, often by the women affected by miscarriage themselves):

MYTH #1: Miscarriages are uncommon. 

More than half of the respondents believed that miscarriage rates were less than 5%.

DEBUNKED: The chance of a pregnancy ending in miscarriage is actually one in four. That’s 103,000 pregnancies ending in miscarriage in Australia every year.

MYTH #2: Drinking or smoking during pregnancy are the causes of most miscarriages. 

Many people have the misconception that consuming alcohol or smoking cigarettes during pregnancy cause the majority of miscarriages. Many women wrongfully believe this as well and feel guilty when their pregnancies end unexpectedly, particularly if they drank or smoked in the earlier stages when they were unaware they were pregnant.

DEBUNKED: The truth is, 60% of miscarriages are caused by genetic problems — the most common of which is chromosomal abnormalities. These abnormalities are both uncontrollable and preventable by parents.

MYTH #3: Stress causes miscarriage.

Three quarters of the survey participants believed that long-term stress or a single stressful event can contribute to the unexpected end of a pregnancy. Many respondents also believed that getting into a heated argument could cause a miscarriage.

DEBUNKED: Stress has not been found to be a trigger for miscarriage. Studies do not show a link between miscarriage and the ordinary stresses of modern day life. Likewise, being startled by a loud noise or feeling shocked has not been linked to miscarriage.

MYTH #4: Lifting heavy objects leads to miscarriage. 

64% of respondents believed that lifting something heavy could trigger a miscarriage.

DEBUNKED: This is simply not true. There is no evidence to show that heavy lifting or other strenuous day-to-day tasks such as intense exercise cause miscarriages.

MYTH #5: Previous oral contraceptive use causes miscarriages. 

22% of people believe that past use of the Pill puts women at greater risk of suffering a miscarriage.

DEBUNKED: False. Oral contraceptives do not cause miscarriages because they do not have any effect on a fertilised embryo.

The conclusion

Misconceptions about miscarriage, which are currently widespread and silencing many women from asking for help they need from their loved ones, need to be debunked now. The only way to address these myths is to talk about them openly.

Stay tuned for our next blog post where we will talk about how to ask for help from your family and friends if you are going through an emotionally difficult time.

Remember to follow us on Facebook and Twitter and use the hashtag #talkaboutmiscarriage to contribute to the conversation!

– SN

Welcome to Our Blog!

This blog is for women who have experienced a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages.

The chance of a pregnancy ending in miscarriage is one in four. That’s 103,000 pregnancies ending in miscarriage in Australia every year.

Unfortunately miscarriages remain a taboo topic, preventing many women from getting the help they need.

“Once You Start Talking, You’ll Realise” is a movement aimed at de-stigmatising miscarriages.

The name of our campaign was inspired by Mark Zuckerberg’s message to the world about his and his wife’s experience with miscarriage:

It’s a lonely experience. Most people don’t discuss miscarriages because you worry your problems will distance you or reflect upon you — as if you’re defective or did something to cause this. So you struggle on your own… When we started talking to our friends, we realized how frequently this happened — that many people we knew had similar issues and that nearly all had healthy children after all.

We want to start the conversation on miscarriage and break the silence. Talking about miscarriages leads to education and de-stigmatisation, meaning women can comfortably ask for the emotional help and support they need.

We invite you to join our movement to pave a brighter future for one in four women today. Remember to use the hashtag #talkaboutmiscarriage and follow us on Facebook and Twitter to follow and contribute to the conversation!

– SN